It's been a while 3

Ok guys so apa aku buat untuk excited kan diri aku seperti electron yang excites bila dapat cahaya lalu keluar daripada leaves and so the photosynthesis happens..blablabla, dah tak ingat, Hahahahahahahahhaha rindu bio jap.

Ok So in order to gain my excitement of being here, aku pun cari alternatif untuk membahagiakan diri ku dekat sini. So first try aku join club-club yang ada kat sini...club astronomy, sejati, unesco, aisec...pastu bila masuk club astronomy, aku figured out, aku tak minat dengan astronomy stuff ni, i don't like stargazing ke moongazing ke eyegazing sekalipun. Tapi kawan aku enjoy this kind of stuff, they said it is interesting when the members share the pics from the cerapan. They are amaze by that. Then unesco pulak kena interview. So aku dengan yakinnya yakin akan pass the interview...sekali tak lepas...dia interested kot dengan idea activity aku tapi ended dia failed kan aku, HAHAHA! Lagi frust kawan aku sorang ni lepas interview-.- so yeah frustration part 2.

Then aku apply join barisan pengurusan persaka, so pergi interview. Macam biasalah aku sentiasa yakin aku lepas interview, tapi this time deep in my heart aku tak berharap sangan sebab masa interview tu aku tak reti duduk diam sebab sejuk and kaki aku tak sampai dekat lantai tu, since aku ni pendek. So kerusi tu pulak ringan, so bergerak la kerusi tu pada setiap percubaan untuk mencapaikan kaki aku dekat lantai tu, hahaha! sedih sia dengar. And aku dah pasang niat, kalau aku fail persaka aku nak tukar faculty...hahahaha cerita gebang en! Tapi alhamdulillah walaupun aku tak dapat jadi president *gelak besar plis* tapi aku dapat jadi exco. Tapi still ada frust partnya. Dimana both of my friend yang pergi interview sama-sama dapat jadi majlis tertinggi while me is a freaking exco...hahahahahahahaha lol. I know I sound ungrateful. I am a very competitive girl inside ok. Tapi aku bersyukurlah sebab aku tengok dorang busy gak jadi MT. Maka niat penukaran faculty dibatalkan 98%.

Then another thing is having crush. Well, having crush always give you excitement to go to class right? Especially bila crush tu sekelas dengan engko. Hahaha, this time around no, neither my crush in the same class as mine nor the same age. He's 3 years older than me, he's born in 1995. Dia tu faci masa orientation days aku. Aku tak kenal pun dia and just know him by his name. Aku tak minat dia pun at first since dia tu "abang sado" sorta person and I dun like abang sado because most of em look scary to this little gurl. And suara dia tu serak basah, hidup segan mati tak mahu...and memula tu aku cem ok la suara dia memang cemtu, pastu the next day eh lelebih pulak seraknya. hahahahah! Kawan aku cakap dia hilang suara sebab dia cheers kekuat malam tu. Aku tak perasan pun since I dun like him yet.

But what makes me liking him is his personality. Ha he's pretty quiet person and nampak cam orang yang tak layan perempuan, gitchew koo...hahaha so that's what makes me to start liking him...my crush. But I at some point, I feel like he knew that he's my crush...seriously aku memang minah perasaan nak mampus, padahal dia kenal aku pun tak! Hahaha mamposlah. Aku ni seorang yang berani...hahaha tak de lah berani mana, tapi aku pernah confess dekat crush lama aku, tapi dia reject aku, dia cakap dia tak nak be in a relationship...hahah weh aku tak ajak dia couple pun dengan aku, aku just confess perasaan aku je. And sorry guys this is me...tapi sumpah doh kekadang aku terfikir, kenapalah aku tak confess awal-awal kalau tak mesti aku fokus je dalam kelas...hahaha! Sebab a week after aku confess tu my feeling towards him completely gone! Just like that...I was pretty heart broken la at first but surprisingly it heals me completely later on. Then aku penah baca this quote tau "The more you hide your feeling for someone, the more you fall for them". Dengan ini aku mengesahkan bahawa hypothesis accepted. Hahaha! Once you let it out, it'll be gone. All you need is to look at the bright side of your life ok semua!

Ha adakah aku akan confess dekat crush aku yang aku crush dekat dia so aku dah tak de catalyst nak  feel excited to be here or keep my feeling so it grows bigger and feel excited to go to the class?
Oh boy, no. At the moment I'm working on not crush on him because I just don't want it either to grow or to fade. Just natural. Ok. So I'm avoiding myself from bump into him which rarely and avoiding myself from stalking him dekat socmed. I'm no longer a gebang girl when it comes to moving on! Oooyeah!

Asyhr.

It's been a while 2

Ola guys, I just posted my "it's been a while" entry just now and now I'm continuing the second part. The reason dia ada second part is because I accidentally talked nonsense in the previous entry. So I think it's better to proceed with the new one instead of continuing in the same entry.

Sooooo, alhamdulillah I managed to further my study at UTM. Currently I'm a first year student of BCS Bioinformatics at UTM. Hoyeah!

Honestly there's no honest answer of what I exactly feel about being in UTM and studying this courses. I still looking for the answer for myself..maybe later or probably on the graduation day kot baru tahu why I'm here taking this course. So here's the story why I don't really know what I'm feeling.

So masa fasa pertama upu tu aku apply bioinformatics, tapi aku tak ingatlah as pilihan ke berapa, and then masa fasa kedua upu nafsu aku untuk ke arah biology tu membuak buak, hahahaha! Tapi bukan medik mahu pun pure biology. Aku tak nak medik sebab aku ni tak bijak sangat nak jadi manusia berilmu secara spontan, hahaha kalau emergency mati dulu patient sebelum aku dapat discover the treatment..aku kalau benda yang berlaku secara tiba-tiba membuatkan otak aku tak function secara tiba-tiba so yeah I'm out from medic. Then why not pure bio? Haaa, sebab aku ni degil. Aku nak amik something more specific kalau amik pure bio kan kene belajar pasal pokok la jadah jadah, aku tak minat, I'm more into human stuff. So aku ubah pilihan aku. Mostly biomed, microb and biochem. Aku target aku dapatlah microb jadi strategy aku, aku nak letak benda yang aku yakin tak dapat seperti medic kat dalam list aku, so bila aku letak benda yang aku tak dapat, aku assume aku punya pilihan akan jadi narrower and so I will be chosen into to study microb. But then turns out aku tak dapat langsung upu tu...not at all. Frust nak mampus weh! Maybe sebab aku tak letak microb as my top 4 choices. And aku slack dekat chemistry aku. Chem aku dapat B so yeah go to hell la kalau nak sambung biomed kan. Then aku apply UM and UPM, which since UiTM tak ada microb for degree. Aku call UM aku tanya kenapa aku tak dapat, then dia cakap competitive tinggi. Besides aku punya cgpa 3.45 so not even pass the 3.50 so yeah...

Maka selepas menangis meratap kepergian impian gue, aku pun buat la upu appeal tu, and aku apply optometry since dia cakap aku layak...hahaha, well I'm a big dreamer ok. And bioinfo as my 3rd choice since 1st and 2nd aku letak yang ada interview and 4th choice aku Geoinformatics kat utm jugak. Oh, btw utk appeal upu, dia ada 4 choices je and pilihan yang ada tu depends on your result and kekosongan tempat... p/s: aku layak kot amik optometry and microb hahaha! So kalau dah jodoh tak kemana, maka dapatlah aku tawaran untuk study BCS Bioinformatics dekat UTM, benda yang aku letak masa fasa pertama upu...so aku assume aku memang ditakdirkan di sini. Kalau aku tak ubah pilihan aku masa fasa pertama upu mesti aku menangis macam orang hilang anak kan! Tapi tak pe la, aku belajar untuk membuat pilihan yang bijak for the future later, gitchewww! Hahahahaha!!

Another thing yang buat aku tak tahu tentang perasaan aku dekat sini is aku sebenarnya tak nak belajar dekat UTM sebab dekat dengan rumah. So macam tak feel ah nak belajar...tak rasa homesick pun! Hahahahaha, homesick tu best ok!

So aku pun bagitau la dekat member dari sekolah rendah yang senasib dengan aku ni yang aku tak rasa excited etc ada kat sini...tak macam masa aku kat dengkil. It's completely feeling less, dia more to perasaan stress. And surprisingly bukan aku je, member aku ni pun sama, stress gak sebab dia nak sambung biology and tak nak jumpa dah fizik ni, dah siap buang buku fizik, tapi ended up amik fizik industry dkat UTM gak, dekat dengan rumah jugak. Hahahaha, so kami berdua meluahkanlah perasaan yang tak ada perasaan tu.

Tak de la weh, aku dah la still tak sekepala dengan kawan baru...aku ni suka loyer buruk, dulu ada je orang nak layan loyer buruk aku ni, tapi kat sini diorang cam tak nak play along with my loyer buruk instead aku siap kena "pukul manja" lagi dengan kawan aku...pukul manja tu sakit doh, aku ni dah la lemah...hahahahahaha! Diorang cem serious je, kawan dengan orang baik pun susah, hahaha...then aku ni kalau masuk lab memang jenis suka pegang try equipments yang ada tau, tapi aku bukan buat apa pun just wondering how it works, dia compatible ke tak dengan other equipments etc and kawan aku punya serious sampai dia stress/annoyed/marah dengan melihat aku memegang stuffs tu semua...hahaha, chill doh. Tak de la, I'm not stupid to not knowing what I'm doing, faham tak? I know what I'm doing doh and it's my nature to try things out to wonder how it work etc. Kemon la, bosan nak mampus kot nak try dat thing kene warning, nak try this thing tak boleh, oh god, lifeless.

Asyhr.




It's been a while

So it's been a while since my last update. As usual, always 'a while'.

I did think to update my blog, tapi my laptop is having a severe problem and it cannot be switched on langsung! I was so speechless especially sebab I dah siapkan my TITAS assignment but I didn't send it yet sebab I think it's pretty early for me to send, so I kept it in my laptop. Then I tried to open my laptop the next day and boom! Tak boleh switch on langsung weh! Bila aku tekan on button tu, dia "cuba" nak hidup pastu dia macam menendang and tak hidup. Aigoo, masalah masalah! Dah la all of my stuff is there in the laptop and I didn't have any copy of it because I told ya, my laptop is severely damaged, hahaha...unknown virus in there so I'm afraid of inserting my pendrive into the laptop. And stupidly tak terfikir pun nak save dekat google drive. No. Actually terfikir but well, I'm so lazy to do all dat and also aku takut gambar tak elok published in public...boleh je setting security tapi..i kan pemalas~~ bear with me, and I deserve to lost all the stuff in it..

Ok enuff of all that.

Asyhr.

The Old One Neither Fade Nor Present

Wassup! It's the fourth of June! Wohooo! It's already half of the year! So fast!

Anyway, I know and understand that people change as time flies, they change for the sake of their life, for the betterment probably. But it's hurt when people change and ignore others like they're a total stranger when the fact that they use to be good friends! I seriously couldn't brain on this part. They unfollowed other like the other never exist in their life, like they never have a single memory together. They made new friends, and that's totally fine but I don't see reason for totally abandoning the past.

Ok, actually the true story is I have a friend. We were close enough that we are a 'gang' during school days, 5-6 years ago and we've been together as a good friends for almost 3 years. We even have a book we bought to tell our stories/feeling in that book-journal. We contacted each other even we were apart on our 4th years and there we were getting disclosed in our friendship. And like what I've said, people changed. So all of us changed and probably are changing that we are so distant with each other, not even an acquaintance I would say. And then I believe we used to follow each other on the Instagram, but now since you are having a very good life that you forget us and stop following me on Instagram. I'm fine with that but one thing that I'm upset was I saw on my phone screen that you are requesting to follow my acc but when I opened it, it was gone. No request from you at all. And so I assumed that you wanted to follow another person whose name was about the same as mine but accidentally requested on my acc instead of them. And what more upset was your cancellation upon the request you've made. I mean, I don't get it why you have to unfollow all of your school friends who used to be closed with you and eventually we was a 'gang' once back then. I see no wrong on that part. It's so sad to see a friendship swiped out just like that.

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another story;


To be honest, I'm not very concerned about my old friendship but it's just upset to see this act today which somehow make me care about the old friendship for a while. Why I didn't text her to get the reason? Well, as I growing up with lots of eventful friendship events, at one point in the past 5 years, I realized that you can't ask people to stay with you, only you because they all have right of their own social life like who they want to be friends with etc. At first, I did feeling jealous when I saw and realize that somebody was 'stealing' my very good friend, but than that ' at one point' has made me realized that I've no right to ask my good friend to stay away from other people and be friend with no others but me. It's not the right idea.I thought that It's immature to ask some one to stay away from other people. So I let them be a good friends. Besides we were so young and we're just about to learn about true friendship whatsoever, you know..so I told to myself that if she's more comfortable with her new friend, then I'll let them be together because there's no point to stay when we were not comfortable. So I waited, just in case she want to return me our old friendship, but she seems happy with the new one, so I let them be. Btw, The comfortable that I said is the comfortable feeling to share secrets and stuff. This is because as I growing up, I rarely share my story/secrets to people because I don't really takes thing personally, and if I do, I rarely share them with people. Maybe I'm not that kind of person who share secrets with friends etc. So I understand why they are good together and that's because they look comfortable to share secrets etc with each other. And with me, we used to be friend for quite long time but we weren't so fond to each other not like your new friendship.

That's when I understand another thing, that people come and go and you should chase if you want but if it doesn't work, then stop chasing because later in future, other people will come to your life and probably better than the 'was' people. And I believe in that, because now, I have a very good friends that I love so much! But to the old friends, I'll never forget you and my life are always open for you guys.

Obsession

Hi guys

Lately I am obsessing over personality type and tv series The Big Bang Theory
I couldn't help myself but keep watching the tv series the whole day. Since I got free access sponsored by iflix for 2 months, all I have in my mind is to finish all the BBT seasons. But suddenly I think it isn't an obsession very much because I think I just wanted to watch them since I've got nothing to do during my holidays...right? Ok whatever. I always want to watch Big Bang Theory since..I don't know..but long ago. And luckily iflix do have the tv series. I'm on my season 4 of the series. I'm going to continue watch it later.

Next thing is personality type. I've spending quite a lot of my times over this thing. But I do enjoy it! And I found that I'm an INTP...well I'm not really an INTP because my P and J traits are always 50/50..fair. But I'll go with INTP because the explanation for INTP are much more accurate compared to INTJ. I've been trying a lot of personality type websites such as 16personality, truity etc. The pure reasons I'm doing personality type was the future major/career I'm gonna pursue later. I used to dream to become a pharmacist but after went through my chemistry classes during foundation year, I don't think I enjoy it so much as I used to enjoy it back then during school time. So at some point I become nobody. I mean, I don't have and I don't know what I want to be/work as in the future which is not a good thing in my opinion. That's how I decided to try the personality test to understand more about myself and as well as looking for the right career for me. Well, frankly said it does help me in someway to figure out what I'm interest to and what should I study for my degree etc. So have you ever tried the personality test? If you have, I would love to know what is your type :D

Some side story I wanted to tell here right now before I forget, I'm trying to be more creative but this time not through thinking but through arts. I know it hards to believe especially if you know me who are a total ass when it comes to drawing etc. But but, I'm not trying to draw, I'm trying to colour...with water colour. I even bought myself a set of water colours and water colours book...*how ambitious I am huh* But I've stop from 'playing' with the water colour for a while because I'm too much focus on my iflix and personality thingy..hehehe, but I'm going to watch more youtube tutorial on water colour later when I'm ready ^.^

This is for now. Have a nice day!

Random very random

#np-Wells by Joshua Hyslop

Hi, it's been a while since the last post.
First of all I'm so grateful to Allah that I get the chance to be in this holy month of Islam, Ramadhan. So, I wish everyone a very happy Ramadhan!!

Ok, honestly I always have something in my mind that I want to talk about in this blog but it always came at a very sudden point and the point where I'm not ready to remember and so I forgot. Simple as that. I have trouble at memorize things and sometimes, I even forget what I just had for breakfast..I also easily forget about things I gossiped with my friends, hahaha, that's why I don't really like to gossip which I rarely do nowadays compared to school days back then because there's no point to talk about if I never remember all that....such a waste. But luckily I can memorize things I've learnt pretty well...or else I might have to stop going to uni...*nightmare*

It almost two months since I finished my foundation study and I've been through some events I never thought would happened in my life...but I have no regret with all events I've went through because I did learnt life lessons which I believe are very helpful for my life ahead...

Being...I would say 'rejected' was the hardest-broken-heart event ever in my life. At first I felt like my world of happy life just ended...hahaha drama~~but after some times, I get over it and started to move on...I tell ya, it ain't easy but all you need is a strong will! Once you set to move on, keep moving on. Never procrastinate your moving on 'process'  because there's nothing to lose for if you are moving on. But if you keep push and pull your will, you might ended up not moving on and started to hurt yourself and waste your time over things you never know will becomes yours or never become yours. Chin up dear and there are other things are waiting for you outside there. So moving on and let yourself enjoy the world that has so much fun to offer to you.

As the time pass, you'll be fine. All you need is to allow yourself to move on and get over things because time have no time to wait for you.

I don't know what the heck I'm talking about but I hope you get something from it...I actually doesn't mean to talk about moving on thingy but that's all I got at the moment. So I'll get back to you soon. Bye.

It's been a month

Hi guys, how are you?

So it has been a month since I finished my foundation year!! It's hard to believe how fast time flies! Nothing much happening throughout the month, but one exciting thing happened and it was the result day!

I've received my final exam result through email about a week ago and Alhamdulillah I pass all of the subjects especially my English and Chemistry subjects as I have a very low expectation result on both subjects since my carry mark wasn't so good..I can't imagine myself sitting for the repeat papers...I'm so happy and grateful that I made it! It's enough to made my day week ago.

So I went to my foundation mates whatsapp group and wishing everyone a very good luck and congrats them on their result...well, the group has been quiet for sometimes and I'm glad it went active again that night...so we the "miss kepochi" can't hold our curiosity on each others' result and so we decided to screenshot our result and attched in the group, hahahaha!!! No secret between us!

So nowadays since the result day, my main job is doing some research about my not-so-clear-yet-future-career...I have few undergraduate courses in my mind but they are mainly in biology-health field because I enjoy studying biology but I enjoy the human part most than the animals and the plants...I also am thinking to continue my undergraduate study oversea but the cost for undergraduate study is pretty pricey and most of the scholarship application has closed. So I've decided to further my undergraduate study at local university and do my master/phd study oversea...insyaAllah.


That Feeling

Hi guys,
so lately I have been too busy with my feeling
and aku rasa I mind the feeling too much
I keep feeling sorry, but sorry for what? Well, sorry for a lot of things
Aku rasa sorry for having feeling on someone that I know will probably never be mine,
Seriously at some moment I feel truly sorry for that, that I couldn't stop blaming myself for all these,
Aku rasa macam, entahlah, burden? I dunno, but yeah kinda
Aku rasa sangat bersalah that I couldn't help this tears from flowing
My heart broken, and now tears...again. Well, you can call me whatever you want, drama queen? cause I don't mine be one but I just want every each of you who are reading this; this is my inner feeling that I kept...
I feel very sad thinking bout this, aku bersalah for having feeling and even you asked me to stp feeling sorry for "nothing to be sorry for", still, aku tak boleh tahan.
I just felt sorry for everything that I could be sorry for, I feel sorry for myself for making me looks like a desperate girl, I would say. Sorry for you, myself...everything, nonsense things...wtv
I dunno if I am terribly sad for the sorry or for the heart broken.
Days passed, but my heart still sad and broke and berat, I never felt like this.
Typing this just made me sad, I know it's not a good thing to shared with anyone who happened to read this, but I just want to share what I feel at the moment.
In any ways, I'm afraid if I become afraid of something that I shouldn't, for example, for liking someone, for falling in on someone, for crushing on someone...
Honestly I tried to embrace the experience of everything that I have been through,
But there's something that make it hard to embrace it delightfully...Aku cuba to learn something from this, yeah, I find something to be learnt, but to learnt that this had happened is so hard
I would this the first time I am a heart broken person, maybe that's why it's hard for me to cop with the situation
Instead of looking at the brightest side of all this, aku cuba untuk look at the bright side that all these could offer for me.
I once told my friend that my heart want me to stay cause I'm still not done with him, but my mind want me to stop, end it, accept it and get over it....I told myself that I am going to follow my mind this time, but honestly its just hard.
On the other hand, I feel sorry for troubling a dear friend of mine with all these.


I'm back

Hi guys, so here I am, return to blogging site after gone for a while for betterment, hahaha...
The best of my life that I have been through is I have finished my foundation year! Which is a great thing!!! But the saddest part would be being parted with my lovely friends back in my foundation center...I love them real hard, now I can't see them everyday like how it used to be, I miss them a lot.

Ok, one thing that I haven't decide since I started blogging back then I think since 2009, is what language should I use in my blog post....always the hardest part. I know my English is not the best I could offer but I just love English as my second language..so, I think it's time to decide which language I should use in my blog post...I will use both language Malay and English in my next entry; not mix both language...i guess. Haha, thinking bout this for years and finally decided something that sounds not so deciding, wtv.

So why I am thinking of going back to blog even I have been through hard times with blogspot over plus minus of 8 years since I started blogging is my friend, Qais. So last night I shared a blog entry of my math-co-classmate which I never expect that this person blogging! so my friend ask me who else have blog because she just love reading blog entry, anything but I guess mostly life related stuff. and she asked me whether I have blog or not, but I told her I used to, heheehehehe. So Qais, you got me back to my blogger life. But seriously I do miss my blog that have vanished loooong time ago, I still cannot get over it, it was so sudden, I doesn't even know who was wrong whether google or myself...I also do miss Qais ;)

There you go, my very "first" blog entry of this year. Happy-not-so-new-year to everyone, I wish you guys will have a great memories this year!

Btw, I also do tumblr, check out my tumblr @ asyhr.tumblr.com  nothing really much happening in both of my virtual world, but just enjoy whatever it offers to you. Have a nice day!